On Sunday 17th May 2020 at the start of week 9 in the lockdown I decided to revisit the Strengthening Families Strengthening Communities (SFSC)Parenting Manual to find new ways to engage my son into different activities while we remain at home during this pandemic.
I am the proud parent of my 16-year-old son and 20-year-old daughter, parenting over the years has come with its challenges. I can look back and say that I’ve learned a lot from both of my children and our family life has certainly improved.
In 2013 I became an SFSC Parenting Facilitator to help other parents who may find it the most difficult time in their life, but I do want to reach out and say ‘there is light at the end of the tunnel’. Some of the best things a parent needs most of all support. Some of us are lucky to have support readily available to us, while others may feel all alone. You’re not alone so many of us have done very well raising our offspring and we rarely take recognition for it. I say ‘Pat Yourself on the back’
Before the improvement however I was one that internally and externally referred to myself as a bad mother, but that was me comparing my parenting abilities towards things and not how I build positive relationships. I want to help you by sharing some of the tools that have helped me and together we can create better outcomes.
Setting up the Family Contract
A contract is an agreement between 2 or more people, the people in this case are your family members.
Step 1 – Set a suitable time for all to have a family meeting.
Step 2 – All family members of the household attend the meeting
Step 3 – Together discuss goals the goals you would like to achieve in the household e.g clear the garden, mow the lawn, tidy bedroom, etc.
Step 4 – Set at time frame of when the goal will start and end.
Step 5 – Negotiate and discuss the realism of achieving the goal, such as How will you feel once it’s completed? What are you hoping to learn from the experience?
Step 6 – All Family Member of the household agree and sign written document.
Step 7 . Take ACTION and Review Outcomes.
The Steps are very straight forward and this is what I did on Sunday with my son, what we agreed to accomplish this week was to get his room decorated. I had asked him previously a while back what colour he would like his bedroom to be and he said blue. I had searched online and found this company wallsauce.com who do amazing murals and with his room having a large wall, I thought with him now transitioning into his adolescence years leading to adulthood his room should reflect that stage of his life.
My son is very much into reading and fact-checking and he has done very well at school. He is in Year 11 and caught up with not sitting his GCSE exams due to Covid-19. So as a parent I have been supporting my son with the abrupt end of the year, no exams, wondering whether his predicted grades are what would have been, you get the picture there is a lot for us parents to unfold and we have as the time has gone by. So a great distraction was to create a new environment, our zone, our space. As we are spending more time at home than ever before, everyone should, therefore, be on the same page to want a loving, caring, sharing environment but that is not always the case.
We got it done in 3 days, I got lots of high 5’s, praise, and even wait for it ‘I really enjoyed doing this project with you and I will help you decorate your room’. While my body was filled with aches and pains of which I’m still getting over, my heart was filled with such love and joy that we got more out of working and communicating together. My son even tried to push it to complete it in 2 days as we had got the wallpapering and painting done so quickly. Age told me lets give it another day putting us 2 days ahead of our target end date. We felt great more for the whole experience and being able to enjoy it together. Now I want to spend more time in his room.
Thank you for reading my first blog.
Click Here to View The Video That Accompanies This Blog Post Where Ruth Shares Her Experience & Favourite Techniques With You- To Help Improve Relations At Home By Discussion and Examples Of Methods and Strategies Developed Around Strengthening Families Strengthening Communities Core Concepts and Goals .
Ruth Carter The Liberty Coach.